Mr. President, we're actually alive, if not kicking too much...

I'm shocked, SHOCKED to inform you that I've discovered President Ahmadinejad lied to us last week at Columbia when he declared there are no homosexuals in Iran. Why, there are quite a few of them, and several agreed to talk with a New York Times reporter shortly after the speech in which their non-existence is declared. You can read the accounts of these formerly non-persons right here. Their life is closeted, just like all human rights campaigners, but reports of their non-existence are greatly exaggerated.

I was amused by Ahmedinejad's statements about homosexuality...they reminded me of those Soviet-American encounters during perestroika, in which Soviet citizens assured American visitors that "we have no AIDS, no child prostitution, no violent crime, no(name your social pathology here)________in the USSR." One woman on a Phil Donahue/Vlad Posner telebridge show became so wound up in rattling off this list that she memorably declared, "we have NO SEX in the Soviet Union!" That's since become a beloved moment even for ex-Soviets, something that always gets a laugh.