The Pretenders
Here's an excerpted list (not all of it was printable) from the Web site of retired Army Col. Patrick Lang, a former Defense Intelligence Agency analyst of Middle Eastern affairs:
A common disease among international contractors working in
Large amount of primping, i.e. mousse in your hair despite the fact you live in a war zone.
Your forearms break out in tattoos, often tribal or USMC related.
Have used, currently using or consider using steroids.
Grow a beard to blend in with the locals, even though you are a 6ft tall blonde with a "Death before Dishonor" tattoo.
Think the UN pool is a good place to pickup chicks.
Are arrogant and condescending to people with more experience, training and who make more money than you.
Truly believe you look good in a Speedo.
Despite the fact there are laundry facilities available, you insist on wearing a dirty brown T-shirt with your blood type in black magic marker to work.
You have excellent kit.
Believe by running locals off the road you are winning their "hearts & minds."
Despite earning a six figure income you wear a ragged ball cap that has not ever been washed.
Your 9 man PSD [protective security detail] team consists of 34 men, 6 armored SUVs, 2 Army Stryker vehicles, an MP company, 2 "little birds" and 2 AH-64 gunships. With an AC-130 on call!
The most dangerous thing you have ever done is: PSD!
Often email pictures of yourself in body armor, weapons and kit to all your friends, family and anybody that you have their email address.
Believe people really give a [expletive] about seeing multiple pictures of you in your body armor, weapons and kit.
You have been seen wearing a black boonie hat, black shirt, black pants, black boots, black body armor, black ammo pouches and a MP5 [submachine gun] in a desert environment when it's 110 degrees.
You refer to yourself as a "rock n' roll mercenary."
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