Saturday, January 17, 2009

Inaugural top ten list

My top ten personal, highly idiosyncratic reasons Barack Obama’s Inauguration is the best thing since sliced bread:

I won’t have to scrunch my shoulders and shrink into my backpack any more when handing over my US passport at border crossings, anticipating hostile stares and/or remarks. I've gotten both on many occasions over the past 8 years.

I won’t have to sit and listen to people shout at me over the Wheatabix at European B and Bs, e.g., “when are you bloody Yanks going to join the rest of the world!”

No one in the household will have to risk tripping or throwing out his back any longer, trying to get to the remote and the “mute” button when the President appears on TV and opens his mouth.

The dogz are together on the couch in a rare moment of camaraderie, waiting eagerly to see the First Dog emerge from among their canine comrades. There is peace in the house today, and there will be at least until Tuesday.

I can bask in the warmth and reflected glory of a fellow citizen and President who is not just respected and admired everywhere, but has become a beloved worldwide cultural icon. You can feel the love…

I can go on being amazed—a great feeling-- that the rest of the country actually chose MY GUY!! They NEVER want the people I want, which always makes me feel like some kind of permanent alien. A real kumbaya moment here.

All the people abroad who do not wish us well, who do nothing but remind us of all our shortcomings—“you people are imperialistbabykillerwarmongeringmoneygrubbingtorturingrogues”-- will have to shut up temporarily. Nothing bigger, more historically significant, has happened here in many a year. I will enjoy the silence coming from the CCC, carping critics’corner.

All the radio talk show Neanderthals are on the verge of apoplexy at the sight of all these people having such a good time at this man’s inauguration. This is a black radical alien Muslim terrorist-lover in their universe, and all this adulation is proof that the country is going straight down the toilet. Maybe they will emigrate to Georgia or India, probably the only two countries who unabashedly loved Their President. We can only hope.

We are going to have two kidz in the White House. Kidz hold the promise of creating all kinds of mischief and chaos. Maybe they will improve on Quentin Roosevelt and bring the pony(or even the dog, if it's a rabble-rousing lab or Water Spaniel) past the elevator and directly into the East Room into the middle of the receiving line at the first State Dinner. I will be cheering them on.

BarackiscoolBarackiscoolBarackiscool. “Nuff said!!


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